The fourth estate

Do you believe what you read in the papers? Of course, Risky business, being of British origin, is well used to reading tall tales in those newspapers that are just the right size to read on the train. Usually they involve a professional footballer, a canary and a black bin liner, but that’s another story.

Despite the made up newspaper story being a British invention, it appears it may have finally made the trip down under.

Risky business recently had the pleasure of attending a luncheon put on by the Investment and Financial Services Association. Much as Risky business loves a good feed, the main reason for attending was to hear Senator Chris Ellison orate on the topic of anti-money laundering. It was a good, if slightly predictable, speech featuring such gems as “I am committed to reform that is cost effective”. I bet he says that to all the associations.

Anyway, Risky business left the lunch feeling like he hadn’t really seen or heard anything new. Luckily he had the whole thing on tape, just in case. Imagine his surprise then the following morning when he opened a newspaper that will remain nameless (let’s just say it’s the right size to read on the “train”) to find that Ellison, at the same event, had said there would be a 12 month transition period for new AML laws.

Concerned he may have dropped off during the speech, or perhaps misunderstood the Senator’s babbling, Risky business got straight on the phone to various contacts who were also present at the lunch, and indeed, to Ellison’s principal AML advisor. All were at a loss as to how this journalist, who incidentally was sitting on the same table as Risky business, managed to secure this, completely false scoop.

Anyway, there’s a lesson in this: don’t believe everything you read in a newspaper that is small enough to read on the “train”, or indeed in other enclosed spaces in which you may find yourself. Who knows, you may even find a better use for it.

You couldn’t make it up

In recent weeks, we have been entertained daily by comings and goings at the Cole inquiry investigating alleged payments to former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein by AWB Ltd. There have been spectacular feats of memory loss, front page pictures of half-naked gun-toting executives and increasingly bitter exchanges in parliament which appear to involve much Labor shouting and much Coalition smirking.

While there would be a comic element to all this if it weren’t such a dirty mess –chairmen claiming to have poor hearing, resulting in their not being party to conversations taking place in front of them – but Risky business happened upon a document that did indeed raise a smile.

It’s the AWB corporate ethics and code of conduct policy. Weighing in at an impressive 24 pages, it covers all the bases you’d expect. If you’d read it a couple of years ago, you wouldn’t have batted an eyelid, but now sentences like this, “At AWB Group, we promote and demonstrate clearly that our business affairs and operations are at all times being conducted legally, ethically and in accordance with the highest standards of integrity and propriety” seem a little far fetched.

Here’s some more, penned, incidentally, by former AWB CEO Andrew Lindberg – he of “I do not recall” fame. “No employee should ever feel that their conduct could not survive the test of public scrutiny”. Yeah, right on!

However, after repeated readings Risky business could find no guidance regarding AWB policy on posing with firearms for photos, or indeed how to deal with pesky government inquiries, although there are some useful Q&A’s for confused staff. Here’s one “hypothetical” scenario outlined in the helpful policy.

Q: I am managing an operation in a country where it is accepted practice for government officials to receive facilitation fees to speed up government approvals. Should I work within the system?

Answers on a postcard.

Quote of the month

“AWB Group expects all employees to adhere to professional standards of presentation that reflect on the image of the company.” Looks like ex-AWB honchos Andrew Lindberg and Trevor Flugge forgot to read their company policy before being snapped in Iraq toting six-shooters.